Love Remains
A Valentine’s Day Reflection for Couples in Tension.
Some decisions are not easy in marriage, but two people can still love each other while wanting very different outcomes. This short Valentine’s Day reflection is about Christ-shaped love in tense moments: protecting trust, dropping stubbornness and scorekeeping, and staying close while you work it out. You don’t have to win a debate to keep the hearts safe.
Valentine’s Day is romantic until you’re sitting in your apartment at 12:04 p.m. having the same drawn-out conversation again. That beautiful red rose didn’t fix the situation, and the thoughtful card won’t make two souls want the same future. The reality is, marriage looks prefect on Valentine's hearts with lovely sayings, but it’s a lot different when something comes up that changes both lives, and you two just don’t agree.
Is that a red flag? No, not really. Most of the time it only means you see things differently, and those differences of opinion won’t hurt a marriage by themselves. What hurts a marriage is when the conversation turns into “me versus you,” and you start fighting each other instead of facing the problem together. I’ve been in that place enough to know how quick a debate can spiral out of control, and how fast closeness can start to slip away.
But God’s heart for marriage isn’t about putting a spouse in place. It’s about protecting the covenant of marriage. A godly marriage holds onto humility and trust so love can stay in place, especially when the decision is unsettled. Prayer helps more than anything in moments like this, and Jesus can keep your heart soft in those hard conversations.
So why do inevitable disagreements have to break trust and turn into yelling? Why does the heart turn cold? The long pauses and short answers turn into one or both spouses shutting down. Both are overwhelmed. So one pushes harder because the silence is too much. Now there’s pressure on the side and distance in the middle. You’re still together geographically, still taking care of daily life, still sleeping on the same futon, but it feels like you’re worlds apart from each other in the same room.
Sound familiar to anyone? That’s what wears a marriage down if somebody doesn’t say stop it.
A simple discipleship viewpoint keeps it plain: following Jesus is not theory, it’s how you respond when it costs you something major. In the Christian life that prioritizes loving others the way Christ loves, a clean conscience, and surrender that shows up in your daily life, love isn't just a word on a Valentine’s Day card. Love is restraint and patience. Love is serving when your ego wants to prove a point. Love is refusing to turn your spouse into the enemy just because you have a different conclusion about a matter.
The world tells us to grab life by the horns and seize the moment through control, pride, and even punishment. But the Lord teaches us a much different way: humble strength, honest speech, and a steady spirit that doesn’t need to crush anyone to get a point across.
That means we protect the marriage covenant while the decision gets figured out. If you need some breathing room, say it and come back. Don’t do the whole “I’m fine” pause. The goal is honesty and love: “I’m overwhelmed right now, sweetheart. Just give me a few minutes or so. I want to figure this out as a team because you’re not alone in this.”
The human instinct will almost always be to punish your spouse with distance or harsh words. Just don’t. Don’t use silence as a weapon, and don’t act holy while you’re really just closing your mind off. If you need space, and you probably do, take the space with love and talk to Jesus about the circumstances. He wants marriage to survive, and He has endless possibilities lined up that we don’t even know about yet.
Scorekeeping has to go. You know as well as I know that the silent ledger is pointless: “Why do I always have to be the one to settle?”
That turns marriage into debt collection, and nobody likes it when the bill collector calls. It makes the marriage transactional instead of a covenant bond between two souls and Jesus. You promised the Lord that you would love your spouse for better or worse, until death do us part. The marriage bond is so important to the Almighty Creator because God hates divorce, and He knows what it costs to make a covenant relationship work. He knows how to hold a relationship together when the other party just doesn’t see it the same way, when the blame was not on Him and the relationship was falling apart because of pride and selfishness.
He knew we were wrong, but He didn’t keep score of our wrongs and send us an invoice... He paid the cost Himself. A discipleship marriage voluntarily dismisses the case before it becomes divorce.
Let’s be real with ourselves about uncertainty, because that’s what’s behind the harsh words and sharp tones that cut like razors. So instead of “You never listen,” say, “I’m scared and I don’t know how to say it without being embarrassed.” Instead of “Why do you have to always control everything?” talk about the fear without the fiery accusations.
Wouldn’t it be much easier to say, “This decision is more than I know how to handle, and I’m stressing out inside”? Talk about that instead because it brings the temperature down. And it gives your spouse a realistic view of what’s happening instead of giving another reason to fight.
Christ-centered faith teaches us obedience under pressure: the real-life choice to surrender all, even the ego, and to not abandon your spouse to the weight of it. Keep this in mind: Christ yielded, and He is the pattern we follow. That means you don’t need to dominate to feel seen or heard. You can be real without being cruel. You can agree to disagree, and you can be loving while you stay transparent.
When the heart starts getting cold again, go back to the simple covenant words: “I love you.” That’s what Christlike love is. Jesus could have stood up to fight for His rights as the sinless Messiah, but He chose humility instead of vindication. He knelt as a lowly servant and washed the disciples’ feet, knowing Judas would betray Him. That’s what real love does: it stays low and meek instead of standing in defiance, and it serves. When marriage is hard, that humble warmth keeps you together so cold distance doesn’t get the last word.
Now we know love won’t win the debates, but love can win your marriage. Love can protect trust, stay emotionally available, and let Jesus lead the marriage through life’s constant battles. Marriage is a covenant for life, and Union with Christ is a covenant for eternity. Invite Jesus into the discussions, and let Him keep your hearts gentle while you work out your marriage.